


either all or nothing.

by aceface



Category: Glee
Genre: F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-18
Updated: 2010-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceface/pseuds/aceface
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Quinn is not pregnant, but Rachel finds out that she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	either all or nothing.

Quinn has had sex. Everyone knows; it was difficult not to when it was announced to the glee club. Quinn had sex and it was something nasty for her to be ashamed of; something for her to hide and lie about (although, Rachel can't help thinking, she did have sex with Noah Puckerman, and there was a reason why Rachel herself said no to him). It's all anyone talks about at glee for weeks, an undercurrent of a whisper, the s and x running together until all Rachel can hear is a vague hiss. It's not in any key that she recognises.

It reminds her of chastity club, about how saying it out loud got rid of some of the power that it had over her and she wants to circle Quinn's arm with her hand, toss her hair and smile brightly and say, "So, how was it for _you_?" She wants to get rid of this mystery surrounding it, remind everyone that it's natural, she wants it to be something that people can talk about out in the open. Rachel has questions, like everyone, and she can't ask her dads -- it'd be so much easier if they could sit together, gossip-y and fun, and talk about whether or not it hurts and did Quinn like it. 

Anyway, Quinn isn't like that and Rachel doesn't want to be like that, either. Not really.

-

She looks at his face, smiling and warm, and reaches out a hand to trace the contours of his cheek. His arms are on either side of her, and she feels safe and secure, hidden safely away in a fort. It's easy to lean up and kiss him, easier than it had ever been with Finn, and --

She can't have sex with him. It just doesn't feel right. Rachel is a great believer in only doing things if they feel right, if she has full confidence in them, because she's not a second-guesser and she doesn't allow herself regrets. Make a decision and stick to it, because that's what all the greats do. Rachel doesn't have time to regret things -- she's moving forwards, not back, but she's not ready to move quite this far forward with Jesse.

She thought he'd understand, for a moment, but he's the same way and his decision is that he wanted to sleep with her. And it's difficult, really, because Rachel is just like anyone else -- she has _needs_ and feelings, and she is very aware that Jesse's hand on her leg is rough and warm and sending shivers through her body, but she is also aware that she hasn't planned for this and it would not be under her control, if it happened.

"Are you okay?" he says, and she says, "I think you should leave." He doesn't argue.

-

The second time, Rachel thought she was ready. 

It was going to be so simple: they were going to have sex, and it would probably be incredible and tender and mindblowing, all at the same time, and maybe she'd sing about it afterwards, something about how she was growing up. (She doesn't think about how they haven't even exchanged _I love yous_\-- some things, Rachel thinks, don't need to be said. Not, of course, that she'd complain if he did say it.)

And they _do_ sing -- _Like A Virgin_, along to the radio, and there's something so wrong about seeing him sprawled out on her bed, looking comfortable and inviting and with _that_ smirk playing on his lips and -- she wants him, so badly. More than Finn, she never really wanted to have sex with Finn, Finn was _safe_. Jesse looks dangerous and raises an eyebrow as she looks at him, one of her hands playing absently with the tie on her capelet. 

He's already got so much of her, she can't give him everything. Not yet.

-

Afterwards -- after she forgot her resolve and everything that wasn't _him_, after the arguments and the lies and the truth, after he pushed her hair back behind her ear and said, "You sounded a little off-key there," and she _knew_ -- after all of that, he reaches out and curls her softly into his side. He's humming _Everything I Do_ under his breath and she harmonizes instinctively.

"I'd fight for you," she sings, like it's a secret.

"I'd lie for you," he sings, like it's a promise.

-

When Rachel misses her period, she knows. It's not something that she realises a few days or weeks later; that would be careless, for one thing. Rachel's periods have always come as regular as clockwork, one after another, and she marks off the days on her calendar with a Sharpie. So when the day rolls around and reaches for the tampons automatically, it takes her a moment or two to realise that they're not needed. Not today. 

As much as she likes to pretend, it is impossible for Rachel to be in complete control of her own body all the time, so she reluctantly accepts that sometimes these things happen. It's happened before; a day or two here and there, and she's too much of a professional to allow it to throw her off sync. She slips a discreet tampon into her purse anyway, because it may be delayed by only a few hours after all, and resolves to put it out of her mind. Besides, there are more important things to worry about, such as achieving the perfect note on her new glee club solo. 

She checks again at lunch, because it's a Tuesday and she doesn't want her white underwear to be spoiled, but there's still nothing. Frowning a little, she washes her hands and starts to go to the cafeteria, trying to count back in her mind to make sure that she's been entirely accurate in her monthly predictions. It would seem so, but Rachel is not infallible -- not outside of her performance skills, that is -- and it is possible that she may have made a mistake.

She doesn't mention it to Jesse, when he picks her up after school. There's no point, after all.

-

Rachel is a lot of things but stupid is not one of them and so, when she misses her second period, she knows that it's only sensible to consider all of the possibilities. Pregnancy is one of them. She also knows that if she's going to go through something like this then she's definitely not going to do it alone, and calls Jesse before her hands have time to start shaking.

"I need to inform you that you may have fertilised me," she informs him, and he doesn't say anything. "As a woman, I don't think this is simply my responsibility and so I am sharing the burden with you. Although I must admit, I do not know this for sure yet either way. So you should come over." She waits a few beats and adds, "And if you could buy me a pregnancy test or five well that would be simply lovely thank you goodbye." 

She allows a few tears to escape but doesn't burst into full on sobbing, because her eyes would be red and her nose looks simply terrible when it's swollen. Instead, she folds her hands and sits calmly on her bed until Jesse arrives. He's not taking the stairs two at a time, and the first thing he does is sit next to her and put an arm around her, allowing her to relax slightly into his touch -- relax for the first time in what feels like weeks.

"Remember, we used protection," he points out softly.

"I've seen _Friends_, okay, I should have known that a condom is only 97% effective," she snaps back, not moving from the comfort of his side. "I should have been on the Pill, I should have planned it more. It was stupid of me not to. If_ Quinn Fabray_ can stay child-free, I really refuse to see how I can fail."

"You can be like Juno," Jesse says instead. "We can sing _Anyone Else But You_, and not sound pitchy." 

Rachel lets out a laugh that turns into a sob and picks up the bag that he dropped on her lap. As well as the five pregnancy tests she'd asked for, there's also a block of chocolate and a_Mamma Mia!_ DVD. She glances at him, surprised, and he rolls his eyes. "I hate it and find it an affront and insult to the stage musical and to humanity, but I know you enjoy singing along to the greatest ABBA hits so I thought I'd pick it up anyway." He manages to make it sound like an insult, and she flings her arms around him and kisses his cheek, not even minding when he gently pushes her away with one hand and says, "Careful, Rachel, haven't you learned?"

It brings her back to reality with a jolt and she stands up immediately, tossing her hair over one shoulder. "I don't appreciate comments about my potential condition, and I'll thank you to keep them to yourself in future. You may not only offend me, but also a possible child -- a mix of us both, if you will." 

"You know I don't -- want it to happen like this," Jesse says suddenly, sounding much younger than he is -- sat on her pink covers, surrounded by bags and a DVD and the thought of UCLA bouncing around between them both. "But --" he breaks out into a wide grin, "Imagine the vocal potential of our child. It'd be, like -- a superstar."

They watch the two blue lines creep across the window together, and Jesse squeezes Rachel’s hand. 

She turns to him, eyes wide, and wails, "But what will I do about _Nationals_?"


End file.
